Human self-interest. A pondering on and in the self where ultimately, one cannot see outside the self. Perhaps it is merely a form of self-preservation taking on peaks of great proportion. As it may be, an innate sense to protect oneself from the bleak sensibility of genuine nature. Perchance there may also be a human component that has transformed itself through ever present and changing time. Manifesting the rot of the human soul outwardly for all to guise upon, but for none to regard.
Often it has been encountered in many a story on love. A such example is that of Отец Сергий by Leo Tolstoy. The narrative follows a man whom draws his life upon the pursuit of others. Since a child, he sees the world as affected through the eyes of another. He lives for the moments in which he can give unto. A martyr of perhaps a peculiar self-interest. This pattern ensues into maturity, whereupon he falls in love with a woman of imperfect immaculateness. Upon realizing her state, he withdraws to a life of solitude, perhaps an escape in the pursuit of religious means. Though he himself is aware this is not a means to an end…simply a step towards consciousness in of himself.
Consequent to his isolation, he finds himself resisting the very nature he is attempting to create. When word of his stately appearance and becoming legacy abound…many seek to attempt a sabotage of his pursuit. Whether for self-interest or just the sake of destroying what may be pure.
The story of Father Sergius can be likened to modern societies need to live a life of servitude. We seek validation in all manner of ways. From despots near and far. From those who only wish us destruction, from those whom believe they wish us well.
There is a refined line between that of self-interest and conservancy; of that which few can sense. One may encounter a likely nightsun…which upon first view may seem a path of light, dark.
Much is not what it seems, between the luminous…the somber and human insolence.
Upon gazing into the nightsun, one may be addled by the cognizance…that light and dark are not what they presume.
Upon gazing into the nightsun, one may become aware that self-servitude and self-interest are more closely interlaced in the likeness of the self.
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